callista: (charles x erik x missiles)
[personal profile] callista
So, uh, I haven't written fic in (literally) years. But inspiration struck in the middle of the night (in the shower, no less) and I decided to sit down and actually write something. What came out reminded me that while I tend to avoid reading angst, I apparently have no qualms about inflicting it on others D:

Title: but you still have all of me
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: PG
Summary: There's just too much that time cannot erase.
Disclaimer: Not mine, property of Marvel, etc. etc. Title, summary, inspiration, and a few lines of dialogue taken from the song My Immortal by Evanescence.
Warnings: Angst, mentions of canon character death, mentions of violence
Author’s note: I’ve only seen the movie once and I’ve never read the comics, so please feel free to point out any inaccuracies :) Also, I suck at chess. Also also, I changed some of the movie’s dialogue slightly for stylistic purposes.

The night is pitch-black. Freezing water saps the strength from his bones, but he perseveres. He has lived through and conquered every challenge and torment life threw his way, all for this moment. He refuses to falter now, despite the immense weight of the submarine dragging him below the water’s surface.

Hands grab hold of him seemingly out of nowhere, nearly making him lose the tenuous grip he has on Schmidt and vengeance. He struggles weakly against his captor, unwilling to be diverted from his impossible task. In response, arms wrap around him as a voice resonates in his mind.

You must let go or you’ll drown!

The sudden intrusion destroys his concentration, but he manages to recover quickly enough to maintain his hold on the submarine. The telepath, for that must be what he is, tightens his arms and attempts to pull them both to the surface.

Please, Erik! You don’t have to do this by yourself. You’re not alone!

The man’s words don’t move him so much as the realization that this man, this stranger fully intends to let himself drown if it means saving him. Erik has killed more men than he can recall, but none of them had given their lives willingly. Suddenly, vividly, he is back in Schmidt’s office, his mother whispering words of reassurance in spite of her own fears, the deafening boom of a gunshot like a knife in his heart.

He lets go, lets himself be dragged towards the light.


He sits in front of a chessboard, idly contemplating his next move. Charles is completely at ease, sipping his red wine with a contented smile. They are enjoying a well-deserve respite after a successful day of training, the young mutants under their wing slowly but surely growing into their powers. They channel their grief over Darwin’s sacrifice and Angel’s betrayal into bettering themselves, preparing for the war looming inexorably on the horizon. No, they are not children anymore, and no amount of wishful thinking from even someone with Charles’s abilities can change that.

Sensing the dark turn his thoughts have taken, Charles looks at him with mild reproach. “You’re ruining the mood, Erik.”

He silently raises an eyebrow until Charles sighs. “You know I can’t help it. And I didn’t read your mind, I simply perceived your mood.”

“I have about as much control over my mood as you do over your perception of it. But you’re right, today was a good day and should be celebrated as such.” He raises his wineglass in acknowledgement.

Charles lifts his own glass, smiling. “Thank you for humoring me, my friend. I would like to ignore the elephant in the room for as long as I possibly can, and I know you do not approve.”

He leans forward to move his black queen boldly into enemy territory. “If you had your way, you’d refuse to acknowledge the elephant’s existence until it trampled you. Check.”

Charles scans the board carefully before moving his king to safety. “I don’t think that’s quite how the metaphor goes, but I see your point. I’m not being willfully blind, you know.”

“What would you call it, then? Unforgivably naïve?”

“Unfailingly optimistic. Pessimism benefits no one, least of all people who have been through as much as we have.”

He sighs and decides to let it go. “I can’t win against you, can I? You’re like a stubborn ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.”

Charles beams at him, cheeks blushing faintly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He smirks and moves his rook decisively. “Well, there is at least one thing I can win. Checkmate.”

He has a few moments to savor Charles’s stupefied expression before the other man chuckles, pleasant mood undiminished by his loss at Erik’s hands.

“We both win. And I wouldn’t have it any other way, my friend.”

Erik leans back on his plush armchair and, as he has done with alarming frequency since he and Charles met, sets down the burdens of his past for the moment and lets himself breathe.


The day is blindingly bright. The white sand of the beach reflects the searing heat of the afternoon sun. Beads of sweat trickle down his neck from within Shaw’s helmet, but he barely notices. He has heard it said that history repeats itself, but he never imagined it would happen so literally. Whether he is trapped in a Nazi monster’s office, or kneeling on a pristine white beach, a single gunshot is all it takes to tear his world asunder.

Lying in his arms, Charles stares up at him with eyes that rival the azure sky. The tears that stream from his eyes match the anguish in his voice. “No, Erik, you did this.”

The words hit like a physical blow. He shakes his head desperately, denying what he already knows will be the single greatest regret of his life. “I want you by my side, Charles. We want the same thing.”

Charles looks infinitely more pained by this, but he replies with finality.

“Oh my friend, we do not.”

Erik stands, leaving his hope and salvation bleeding in the arms of another. He is acutely aware of the silence in his mind provided by the helmet, and he leaves a mental parting shot that he knows will remain unheard.

You’re a liar, Charles Xavier.

I’ve been alone all along.


Concrit is appreciated, just be polite :)
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